Guest Post From My Dear Hubby
I asked Nolan if he would write a post for my blog about marriage. This is his take on our marriage.....I promise, I didn't ask him to write a bunch of nice stuff about me. I suppose he loves me. I guess I found the right person for me too!
But that doesn’t matter. We still don’t always know what we’re doing. But we figure it out together, and always make it work.
Nancy and I find ways to balance each other out. In part, it’s because of the differences in our strengths. However, we also know what we need to be for each other. When one of us is exhausted, overwhelmed, uncertain, sad -- the other is productive, supportive, decisive, comforting.
Nancy is much better at this than I am. She is very good at reading people, and knowing what to do to be supportive. If she sees that I’m getting stressed out about something, she’ll put aside what she’s doing and ask how she can help. If she sees that I need a break, she’ll tell me to take a nap (and like a toddler, I require this sometimes).
Lately I’ve been pursuing my hobby of board game design a little more seriously. It’s something I mostly keep to myself because I know that she has no interest in board games. However, when I told her that I was going to have to stay up a little bit late to finish some writing for a contest I was entering, she looked at me in an exasperated fashion and said, “Why don’t you tell me about these things? How can I say ‘Go for it!’ when I don’t know about it?” She doesn’t care about board games, but she cares about me. She wants to support me in my interests regardless of how much they interest her.
Even in times that were difficult for her, Nancy was still able to be strong for her family. When Violet died, we both needed support. We both needed comforting. I knew that Violet’s death had a strong effect on her, but I also was grieving. There were times when it was too much for me, and Nancy would find the strength to comfort me. There were times when Georgia needed some normalcy, and Nancy would find the strength to move on with life for Georgia’s sake.
Nancy picked herself up as well. She pushed herself to pursue photography as something more than a hobby. It has been amazing and fun to watch her grow as a photographer. Her dedication to delivering the best product for her customers is motivating. Then, this past October, she combined her passion for photography with a cause that is extremely important to her -- pregnancy and infant loss. Her series of photos and stories with women who have been through this was moving. Most importantly, many of the women that she photographed found it healing to have someone care enough to listen to their story, and acknowledge the importance of it. It was a powerful project, and I’m really proud of her for the work she did.
Most of all, Nancy is filled with love and consideration for all of us. She’s always looking out for little things that she knows we’ll enjoy. She likes to find events to attend or places to go that we’ll all enjoy as a family. She’s the queen of finding gifts for people. She’s willing to make sacrifices so that I can do the things that I want to do. All of these are only some of the ways that her love for us comes through.
There are so many more things that make our marriage work as well. We laugh together at the same things (although I haven’t sold her on Brooklyn Nine-Nine yet). We feel similarly on a lot of today’s political, religious, and ethical issues. Even went we don’t agree, we both understand where the other is coming from. There are activities that we enjoy together -- walking and hiking, concerts, football and basketball games, singing loudly along with the radio in the car. And we’re both just silly enough to make each other laugh.
It’s all of these things that make our marriage work. I know that I’m blessed to have such a wonderful marriage. I know that it’s something that we make wonderful together. But I know it wouldn’t be quite so easy if I hadn’t found such a loving, supportive, and fun person to share my life with.
The Right Person (for Me!)
Ten years ago, my brother -- in an impromptu speech that I asked him to give at our wedding reception -- told Nancy and me that we were too young and didn’t know what we were doing. Or something like that. While he wasn’t completely right on the first point (we weren’t too young), he was right about the second point.But that doesn’t matter. We still don’t always know what we’re doing. But we figure it out together, and always make it work.
Nancy and I find ways to balance each other out. In part, it’s because of the differences in our strengths. However, we also know what we need to be for each other. When one of us is exhausted, overwhelmed, uncertain, sad -- the other is productive, supportive, decisive, comforting.
Nancy is much better at this than I am. She is very good at reading people, and knowing what to do to be supportive. If she sees that I’m getting stressed out about something, she’ll put aside what she’s doing and ask how she can help. If she sees that I need a break, she’ll tell me to take a nap (and like a toddler, I require this sometimes).
Lately I’ve been pursuing my hobby of board game design a little more seriously. It’s something I mostly keep to myself because I know that she has no interest in board games. However, when I told her that I was going to have to stay up a little bit late to finish some writing for a contest I was entering, she looked at me in an exasperated fashion and said, “Why don’t you tell me about these things? How can I say ‘Go for it!’ when I don’t know about it?” She doesn’t care about board games, but she cares about me. She wants to support me in my interests regardless of how much they interest her.
Even in times that were difficult for her, Nancy was still able to be strong for her family. When Violet died, we both needed support. We both needed comforting. I knew that Violet’s death had a strong effect on her, but I also was grieving. There were times when it was too much for me, and Nancy would find the strength to comfort me. There were times when Georgia needed some normalcy, and Nancy would find the strength to move on with life for Georgia’s sake.
Nancy picked herself up as well. She pushed herself to pursue photography as something more than a hobby. It has been amazing and fun to watch her grow as a photographer. Her dedication to delivering the best product for her customers is motivating. Then, this past October, she combined her passion for photography with a cause that is extremely important to her -- pregnancy and infant loss. Her series of photos and stories with women who have been through this was moving. Most importantly, many of the women that she photographed found it healing to have someone care enough to listen to their story, and acknowledge the importance of it. It was a powerful project, and I’m really proud of her for the work she did.
Most of all, Nancy is filled with love and consideration for all of us. She’s always looking out for little things that she knows we’ll enjoy. She likes to find events to attend or places to go that we’ll all enjoy as a family. She’s the queen of finding gifts for people. She’s willing to make sacrifices so that I can do the things that I want to do. All of these are only some of the ways that her love for us comes through.
There are so many more things that make our marriage work as well. We laugh together at the same things (although I haven’t sold her on Brooklyn Nine-Nine yet). We feel similarly on a lot of today’s political, religious, and ethical issues. Even went we don’t agree, we both understand where the other is coming from. There are activities that we enjoy together -- walking and hiking, concerts, football and basketball games, singing loudly along with the radio in the car. And we’re both just silly enough to make each other laugh.
It’s all of these things that make our marriage work. I know that I’m blessed to have such a wonderful marriage. I know that it’s something that we make wonderful together. But I know it wouldn’t be quite so easy if I hadn’t found such a loving, supportive, and fun person to share my life with.
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