Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month-Meet Melissa

Meet Melissa. This is her story and these are her words.

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Our plan was to have 3 kids and be done by the time I was 35. Our oldest girl was born in December of 2004. #2 made his appearance in April of 2007. We decided to start trying shortly after he turned 1 so they could be close in age but it took us a year to finally get pregnant. At my first ob appointment (9 weeks) we were unable to hear a heartbeat on the doppler, but just figured it was too early. We also chose to not have any genetic testing done, because we had 2 healthy kids, what could go wrong? Oh how naive we were then! We scheduled another appointment for 11 weeks and went away on vacation to Gulf Shores without a care in the world. It was here we decided our baby's name would be Colby. Little did we know that this trip would be the last time everything in our lives was normal.

At my 11 week appointment. we once again were unable to find a heartbeat, so the doctor sent me in for an ultrasound. It was here that they noticed the first soft marker, the baby's nuchal fold was measuring larger than was the norm. The doctor was not too concerned, but decided to move my level 2 ultrasound up to 14 weeks. (I was already considered high risk because i would be 35 at the time of delivery) At this ultrasound more soft markers were found. Choroid plexus cysts, IUGR, and possible heart problems were detected. Over the next several weeks every appointment seemed to hold more bad news so we went ahead and consented to an amnio at 20 weeks. I remember standing in the shower, crying uncontrollably, and praying our baby girl had Downs Syndrome because our other possibility, Trisomy 18, was considered incompatible with life.

I will never forget October 14th, 2009. It was the day I received the most devastating phone call of my life. The geneticist said, "I'm so sorry, your baby has Trisomy 18." I managed to get off the phone and make sure my daughter was ok and my son was napping before I went outside to our front porch and just fell to the ground hysterically crying. I called my husband, Jeff, and all I could say was "Come home, it's bad." That day I was beyond devastated and could not even imagine ever being ok again. We chose to continue the pregnancy, this was our baby, we didn't care how sick she was, we loved her from the first moment we knew I was pregnant! 

On January 28th, 2010, at 36 weeks and 3 days, Colby Elizabeth joined our family! She was born alive and my wish to be able to kiss her and tell her how much I loved her came true! (I chose to deliver early to give her a better chance at being born alive.) She weighed 4lbs and 2ozs and was absolutely beautiful! We chose to give Colby comfort care, we did not want extraordinary measures (resuscitation, ventilator, etc) taken to keep her alive, we personally felt that just wasn't fair to her. We found out shortly after her birth that her esophagus and stomach were not connected, so at 4 days old she had surgery to insert a gtube for feeding. (comfort care is ensuring they are warm, fed, have oxygen, so the surgery was a must so she did not starve.) 

Much to our surprise after we learned how to do the feedings, we were able to take Colby home when she was 1 week old! We went home on hospice care for Colby, where she stayed in the living room so we had room for an oxygen tank, suction machine, and heart monitor. The hospice nurses taught me how take care of her with all of her equipment, and much to their surprise, I didn't really need their help, I wanted to do it all for my baby!

On February 20th Colby's heart monitor went off and she was turning blue, this wasn't the first time this had happened but I knew right away that this time was different. I knew she wouldn't be with us much longer. I called hospice and our nurse Joni came right away. We called all the grandparents and they all dropped everything and came to our house. I sat on the couch holding her close to me while Jeff unhooked all of her monitors and cut her feeding tube off so we could hold her closer. I told her how much I loved her, how proud I was of her for being so strong for so long and that it was ok to go. At 7:50pm on February 20th, 2010 Colby Elizabeth passed away in my arms surrounded by all of her family. She lived for 23 days but will forever live on in our hearts.

My life will never be the same. I miss her with all that I am and am thankful for everything she taught me.I am a better wife and mother because of her and am so thankful that God chose me to be her mom.

Most of 2010 was a blur after Colby died, we were all grieving in different ways. Once the fog lifted I made a conscious choose to be happy. My kids needed me and it would not have been fair to Colby to always remember her life with sadness. Remember my plan I talked about in the beginning? Well, God had other plans for us! In November of 2011 we welcomed boy #2 and in August of 2013 boy #3 joined us! Both were wonderful surprises! When people ask me how many children I have I always tell them 5, because you may not see her, but Colby is always with us!

Below are not my photographs. Melissa asked that I share these images of Colby on this post.