Finding Joy Through Grief
October.....my favorite month of the year. There are so many things to love about October. The temperatures cool slightly, picking apples at the orchard, my birthday, Halloween, going to the pumpkin patch, the leaves on the trees start changing colors, pumpkin donuts, apple cider, hay rides and bonfires. I mean really, what's not to love?
Then one October day in 2011, my favorite month of the year betrayed me. How dare you October? Out of all 12 months of the year, I love you the most. Why would you betray me? Why not January? Why not February? June or July? I was sure that everything would be ruined now. How could I look forward to October when that was the month my baby girl died?
Last year October brought the first year since Violet's death. And I was ok. We released balloons. We went through her things. We cried. We missed her. And through all of it, I was ok. It was then that I realized, I could look forward to October again. I could enjoy all the things that I used to before Violet died. She would want me to enjoy life. She wouldn't want her mama to be sad all the time.
Now October has new meaning to me. I'm going to enjoy everything about October that I've always loved. And instead of focusing on the sadness of my baby's death, I'm focusing on the joy that Violet brought to our lives.
That joy has lead me to do a few different things. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. All month long I will be photographing women who have gone through the pain of loosing a child....through miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, and the loss of an older child. I will be sharing their stories as well as their photographs here on this blog. My hope is that by sharing their stories and photos, people will realize that this effects so many of us....your friends, your family, your kids teacher, your cashier at the grocery store, your waitress.....it can happen to any one. I'm also participating in Capture Your Grief. I will be taking photos daily in the month of October.
Probably the most meaningful thing that I'm doing this October is a day of kindness for Violet. On October 11, do one act of kindness for someone else in Violet's name. Our family is going to try to do 26 acts of kindness that day....because I was 26 1/2 weeks pregnant with Violet when she died. We will see if we can pull it off....it will be a long day. And then that night we are going to release lanterns into the night sky for Violet.
So, along with pumpkin donuts (seriously delicious...if you've never tried them, you should!), hay rides and my birthday, this October brings a day of kindness, photography projects and it marks two years since we first heard those frightening words, "there is no heartbeat." Instead of focusing on the sadness, I choose to remember and I ultimately choose happiness.
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