10 Things NEVER To Say To A Pregnant Woman
So, this week's ToT post was either a free for all or blog about the Chick-Fil-A drama or the shootings in Colorado. And right now, I'm just not at a point where I want to think about heavy stuff like Chick-Fil-A or the shootings. So, I'm going to vent about something near and dear to my heart right now, things NEVER to say to a pregnancy woman.
I think that I heard more of these things when I was pregnant with Georgia, but that doesn't mean that I haven't heard them this time around too. At no other time do people talk to you about such personal things. It's one thing when a friend asks you, but when complete strangers ask you such personal questions, it makes you a little uncomfortable.
#1. Don't tell say that I look miserable. Come on, really folks! You would never walk up to someone who was over weight and say "Man, you look miserable!" That would just be rude. And you know what, it's rude to say it to pregnant women too. And in some days, I might feel miserable, but I don't need you telling me that.
#2. You're HUGE! Again....rude. I don't talk about your weight, so please don't mention that I'm the size of a whale. I know that I'm huge, but I'm growing two humans.
#3. Are you sure there are only 2 in there? This applies pregnant woman having any number of babies. And to answer your question, yes, I am sure I'm only having 2 babies. Do you want to know why? Because I go to have an ultrasound done EVERY WEEK. I spend hours in the OB office every week and I've only seen two babies and heard two heartbeats. I'm pretty sure.
#4. Don't act shocked when I tell you my due date. I get it, I have a lot of baby belly going on. And you might think that I'm farther along in my pregnancy than I really am, but I'm not. AND, I shouldn't have to tell you that I'm having twins to make you feel better about my pregnancy. And really, what if I was this big and only having one baby, what's it to you?
#5 Don't tell me that you feel sorry for me. Are you kidding? I chose to get pregnant. I didn't just get knocked up. This was all part of the plan. Now, having twins was not part of the plan, but I don't see it as anything to feel sorry about. Yes, it will be hard work. Yes, it will be stressful. Yes, it will cost a lot of money. And yes, having a single baby would be a lot easier. But here's the kicker, I get to do something that a lot of other woman will never have the chance to do. I get to bring two lives into the world at the same time. And I get the beauty of watching them grow...so really you feel sorry for me? Maybe I feel sorry for you because you don't get to do this!
#6. Don't tell me that you feel sorry for my husband. While I don't want you to feel sorry for me, he certainly does not need your pity. I'm the one dealing with all the aches and pains of pregnancy. So what if he has to do a bit more housework. You know, he also wanted this pregnancy. So it's kind of an exchange if you will, I have the ability to birth his children. So what if he has to cook dinner and clean up the dishes afterwards.
#7. Did you use fertility treatments? Um, you wouldn't ask that if I was just having one baby. No, we didn't, we have spontaneous twins. But really, what does it matter? It doesn't make a couple who's twins were the result of fertility treatments any less than mine. Twins are twins, no matter what.
#8. You are having a C section right? Um nope, that's not in the plan. Two babies can come out of my body just fine. I'm positive of that. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, I will be tired. And really, it's not your choice to make and it's a little bit personal. Now, if a friend asks this question, I don't think that it's too personal, but strangers on the street....yea, stay out of my business.
#9. Don't tell me about your horrific labor and delivery stories. You know what....I bet I have you beat on that one....you want me to tell you about my last pregnancy when my baby died? Not to make a joke out of it, but really it's not comforting to hear someone talk about the hours they spent in terrible labor and how long they pushed. I know that strangers don't know about my pregnancy with Violet, but really no pregnant woman needs to hear about how long it took you during your labor and delivery unless she asks for that info.
#10. I think having twins would be so much fun!!! Fun. FUN? Are you kidding me? Sure it's exciting. Sure I'm so glad to be blessed in this way. Sure I'm happy to be having two baby girls. But FUN? How about you come over around 11pm and get up with them every time they cry and let me sleep. How about you change about a million diapers everyday. How about you pay for all of their needs and wants until they can manage on their own. Does any of that sound FUN? Well, not really. But I at least I get where you are coming from with this statement. I get the pleasure of raising twin girls. Not every mom gets that. I get to see them become each other's best friend. I get to see how different they will be from each other. But you make it sound like it will just be fun and games all the time. Not that simple. It will be a lot of hard work. And I'm going to be tired. And I'm going to have bad mom moments because I've let the stress get to me. And there will be times when we can't do something because it costs too much money. Now every single one of those things will be totally worth it and there will be more good times than bad. I really do believe that these babies are a blessing to me and my family, but don't act like it's going to be sunshine and roses all the time. Get real!
So that's just a short little run down of what not to say to a pregnant woman....or at least me. And if you have said one or more of those things, I forgive you. I know that not every comment is meant to be mean spirited. And it's one thing coming from a friend and another thing coming from a stranger. But next time, just remind that pregnant woman that you are talking to how great she looks, how she is going to be a fantastic mother and that you can't wait to meet her baby. Those are things that we want to hear. This is a very special time in our lives, we don't want to be offended or stressed out. We want to be lifted up and made to feel wonderful. And that is what we should be doing as humans lifting each others spirits, and loving and caring for each other.
I think that I heard more of these things when I was pregnant with Georgia, but that doesn't mean that I haven't heard them this time around too. At no other time do people talk to you about such personal things. It's one thing when a friend asks you, but when complete strangers ask you such personal questions, it makes you a little uncomfortable.
#1. Don't tell say that I look miserable. Come on, really folks! You would never walk up to someone who was over weight and say "Man, you look miserable!" That would just be rude. And you know what, it's rude to say it to pregnant women too. And in some days, I might feel miserable, but I don't need you telling me that.
#2. You're HUGE! Again....rude. I don't talk about your weight, so please don't mention that I'm the size of a whale. I know that I'm huge, but I'm growing two humans.
#3. Are you sure there are only 2 in there? This applies pregnant woman having any number of babies. And to answer your question, yes, I am sure I'm only having 2 babies. Do you want to know why? Because I go to have an ultrasound done EVERY WEEK. I spend hours in the OB office every week and I've only seen two babies and heard two heartbeats. I'm pretty sure.
#4. Don't act shocked when I tell you my due date. I get it, I have a lot of baby belly going on. And you might think that I'm farther along in my pregnancy than I really am, but I'm not. AND, I shouldn't have to tell you that I'm having twins to make you feel better about my pregnancy. And really, what if I was this big and only having one baby, what's it to you?
#5 Don't tell me that you feel sorry for me. Are you kidding? I chose to get pregnant. I didn't just get knocked up. This was all part of the plan. Now, having twins was not part of the plan, but I don't see it as anything to feel sorry about. Yes, it will be hard work. Yes, it will be stressful. Yes, it will cost a lot of money. And yes, having a single baby would be a lot easier. But here's the kicker, I get to do something that a lot of other woman will never have the chance to do. I get to bring two lives into the world at the same time. And I get the beauty of watching them grow...so really you feel sorry for me? Maybe I feel sorry for you because you don't get to do this!
#6. Don't tell me that you feel sorry for my husband. While I don't want you to feel sorry for me, he certainly does not need your pity. I'm the one dealing with all the aches and pains of pregnancy. So what if he has to do a bit more housework. You know, he also wanted this pregnancy. So it's kind of an exchange if you will, I have the ability to birth his children. So what if he has to cook dinner and clean up the dishes afterwards.
#7. Did you use fertility treatments? Um, you wouldn't ask that if I was just having one baby. No, we didn't, we have spontaneous twins. But really, what does it matter? It doesn't make a couple who's twins were the result of fertility treatments any less than mine. Twins are twins, no matter what.
#8. You are having a C section right? Um nope, that's not in the plan. Two babies can come out of my body just fine. I'm positive of that. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, I will be tired. And really, it's not your choice to make and it's a little bit personal. Now, if a friend asks this question, I don't think that it's too personal, but strangers on the street....yea, stay out of my business.
#9. Don't tell me about your horrific labor and delivery stories. You know what....I bet I have you beat on that one....you want me to tell you about my last pregnancy when my baby died? Not to make a joke out of it, but really it's not comforting to hear someone talk about the hours they spent in terrible labor and how long they pushed. I know that strangers don't know about my pregnancy with Violet, but really no pregnant woman needs to hear about how long it took you during your labor and delivery unless she asks for that info.
#10. I think having twins would be so much fun!!! Fun. FUN? Are you kidding me? Sure it's exciting. Sure I'm so glad to be blessed in this way. Sure I'm happy to be having two baby girls. But FUN? How about you come over around 11pm and get up with them every time they cry and let me sleep. How about you change about a million diapers everyday. How about you pay for all of their needs and wants until they can manage on their own. Does any of that sound FUN? Well, not really. But I at least I get where you are coming from with this statement. I get the pleasure of raising twin girls. Not every mom gets that. I get to see them become each other's best friend. I get to see how different they will be from each other. But you make it sound like it will just be fun and games all the time. Not that simple. It will be a lot of hard work. And I'm going to be tired. And I'm going to have bad mom moments because I've let the stress get to me. And there will be times when we can't do something because it costs too much money. Now every single one of those things will be totally worth it and there will be more good times than bad. I really do believe that these babies are a blessing to me and my family, but don't act like it's going to be sunshine and roses all the time. Get real!
So that's just a short little run down of what not to say to a pregnant woman....or at least me. And if you have said one or more of those things, I forgive you. I know that not every comment is meant to be mean spirited. And it's one thing coming from a friend and another thing coming from a stranger. But next time, just remind that pregnant woman that you are talking to how great she looks, how she is going to be a fantastic mother and that you can't wait to meet her baby. Those are things that we want to hear. This is a very special time in our lives, we don't want to be offended or stressed out. We want to be lifted up and made to feel wonderful. And that is what we should be doing as humans lifting each others spirits, and loving and caring for each other.
When a guy I work with found out I was pregnant, he said "Oh, I thought you had just put on a few pounds!". Some people have no filter!
ReplyDeleteugh, you are right NO filter!
ReplyDelete