Dear Mama......You Got This!

Over at Still Breathing, they are doing a series of posts for mamas who are pregnant again after the loss of another child, PAL. These are love letters from those of us who have been there. These are words of encouragement. 

I decided to write my own letter and link up with Still Breathing. Take a look at my letter and then head over and check out some of the others. 

Dear Mama, 

Where to start....how do you give encouragement to someone who has had such a great loss? How do you give them hope that this time will be different? You want to give encouragement and hope, but at the same time, you know as well as I do what bad things could happen....when you come home with empty arms and huge gaping wound in your heart. 

Terror, that's what is going on right now. With every week that passes, you wonder if your baby is going to make it....if you are going to make it. You walk on egg shells. You try not to jinx yourself. You don't let yourself get too excited about this because you know how much it hurts when it doesn't work out the way you want. 

I have sat where you are sitting. I have felt the feelings you are feeling. What you are doing right now, takes so much courage....it takes so much strength. You might not feel strong now, but you are so strong. When you look back, you will realize your strength. Others wonder how you can go on day to day....you know, you are just trying to make it. A friend told me that she just didn't know how I could do this (pregnancy) again. I told her that I didn't get the outcome that I wanted. I wanted to bring a baby home. And that is what kept me going, knowing that I might get to bring another baby home one day. 

Advice.....what advice do I have for you? Try to enjoy this pregnancy. I know you are scared....it's terrifying. But, finding the joy in this pregnancy will make it so much easier. I was scared to buy anything. I was scared to prepare the nursery. I was afraid to get excited. It wasn't until I let all of this go, that I really started to enjoy this pregnancy and let myself get excited about the miracle that was happening inside my body. 

After my daughter Violet was still born, I swore that if I became pregnant again, I would never complain. NEVER! Then, I got pregnant with twins. And while it wasn't a terrible pregnancy, I did have aches and pains that I never expected having. Physically it was a little rough on my body. And I would find myself complaining...just a little :) And then the guilt would happen. How could I complain when I had been given this wonderful gift? And you know what, just because I complained a little didn't mean that I didn't appreciate the gift I had been given. Cut yourself some slack!

I'm not going to sugar coat this for you.....every OB appointment, every ultrasound, every ache and pain is going to leave your palms sweating and your nerves shot. And when you are walking up to labor and delivery, you will feel like your insides are going to jump right out. But....here comes the good part....when you bring that little life into the world and you hear those first little screams and cries from your newborn baby, the weight of the world will be lifted off of your shoulders. The relief that comes with knowing your baby was born alive and healthy is like no other. And that my friend, is the reward. That is what you have been waiting for all these months. The tears will flow at that moment and it will be the sweetest joy that you have ever experienced. Never in your dreams did you image it could be this good. 

So, I leave you with this....you can do this, can find joy in this, you too can have a happy ending. You are so strong. You are so brave. You got this!

Nancy