1 Year Later

1 year has come and gone and I miss her just as much. October 11, 2011 I was in a much different place than I am today. October 11, 2011 I was waiting for my sweet baby girl Violet to enter the world sleeping. October 12, 2011 I was leaving my baby at the hospital and going home with nothing but tears. October 14, 2011 I was attending my baby girl's memorial service. October 15, 2011 I was trying to figure out how to go on with life.

Eventually, I did go on with life. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was pretty darn hard. But I feel like I've made it. While it still hurts that I can't touch my baby girl and it hurts that I can't see her running around and playing with her sisters and it hurts that I can't hear her laugh, I feel like I can go on and lead a happy life. And live a really happy life, not just pretend to live a happy life while the inside rots away.

1 year later. There are still things that I struggle with. I hate it when a day passes and I realize that I haven't thought about Violet. Ugh, that is so hard. How does a mother forget to at least think about her baby? Granted, those days don't happen very often. Usually at some point I will think about her. But there are days when I'm so busy tending to my girls here on Earth, that I just don't take that moment to stop and think about Violet. And then, all of the sudden, I get that moment when something reminds me of her and I'm taken back to how sad I was and how much my heart aches for her.

To mark the 1 year anniversary of Violet's passing, we did a balloon release at my parent's house. We got enough purple balloons for everyone. We passed around a few markers so that those who wanted to could write a message. We went into my parent's back yard and let them go. We watched them as long as we could. It was a lovely sight to see all those purple balloons in the air, floating up to heaven for our little girl.

This is Georgia's balloon for Violet. Since she couldn't write a message on the balloon, she drew a picture for Violet at school. Later that night she asked me if I thought that Violet liked her picture....she's such a sweet little girl and thinks of her sister all the time!

So, to those of you who helped us this past year through thoughts and prayers, meals brought to our home, cards sent to us, special gifts given to us or just having an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on, THANK YOU!