To Celebrate Or Not?

It's Mother's Day. I am so thankful that I had a little girl rushing into my bedroom this morning to give me a card that she picked out just for me. And I'm even more thankful for the hugs and kisses she gave me too.

Not only do I think about how lucky I am to have such an amazing daughter, but I also think of my daughter that can't be with me right now. I live with the hope that one day we will see each other again and I will get to hold her and do all the things that I can't do with her now.

There were so many times when I thought about her today.....
-this morning when Georgia and Nolan brought me cards and gave me hugs and kisses, I missed Violet's kisses
-at church watching two babies who would be close to Violet's age smile and coo at each other, I missed Violet's smile
-driving to my parent's house for lunch and I realized that I forgot to wear my special Violet necklace, sorry kiddo, I didn't mean to forget!
-watching Georgia and my nieces run around the back yard laughing and playing together, I missed Violet's laugh
-feeling Violet's sisters wiggle and squirm in my womb, I missed Violet's wiggles
-now, back at home reading about others who are missing their babies today, I miss you too, Violet

I feel like sometimes maybe I shouldn't have those feelings since I am pregnant again already (with twins nonetheless) and I have Georgia. But just because those things are true, that does not mean that I don't miss my Violet just as much. I will always miss her and I will always long for her and my arms will always ache to hold her, no matter how many other children I have. I will always wonder what she would have been like, what her laugh would have sounded like, and what she would have looked like as a grown woman. Those things I will never get the privilege to know.

This is the second year in a row that I have been pregnant on Mother's Day. Last year I didn't even know that I was about 1 month pregnant with Violet. It was a few days later that I found out I was expecting. What a difference a year makes.

So while their are so many people out there celebrating Mother's Day, remember there are others who have different feelings on this day. They may be remembering their mother who has passed away. They may be remembering their babies that they never got to bring home. They maybe remembering their children that they never got the chance to watch grow up. They may be longing to hold their own child in their arms. They may be longing for their situation to change one day. Others may be suffering in silence because no one knows about their loss and how great it is. Hold them up and remember that today may cause them great pain and they might not feel like celebrating anything about today.

While I am desperately missing my baby girl, I choose to celebrate today. I do have many reasons to celebrate that others many not have in their lives right now. The best reason is that Georgia was so excited about today. I love her giving spirit. I also have a fantastic mother that I was able to spend the day honoring. If I can be half the mother she is, I am doing a great job. I have another fantastic lady in my life, my mother in law. I do consider myself lucky, she raised one heck of a son, she treats me like a daughter and she's a fabulous grandmother.

So today I celebrate those woman in my life and I celebrate the opportunity that I have had to carry 4 babies. I am proud that I have 4 daughters.... I have one running around like crazy right now (in her night gown and a princess crown), one in heaven who I miss everyday, and two in my womb that I can not wait to meet this summer.

Miss you baby Violet. 





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