Shout Out Time
I just wanted to give a big shout out to all the women who shared their story of infant and pregnancy loss last month on my blog. Death is never something that we enjoy talking about. When it happens to babies and children, it's even more uncomfortable. But even though this is uncomfortable, it happens. It needs to be talked about. Parents and families need to get a chance to share about their children. Others need to know what to say to their friends who have lost little ones.
This project had several of goals. The first was to put a face with the story. So often we hear about something that happened to your friend's husband's cousin. Often times you feel bad for the person, but it's easy to be detached from it because you don't know the people behind the story. You don't see their faces. You don't see their tears. You don't hear their voices quiver when they talk. I think that by sharing the stories written by the mothers themselves it gives you more insight into what they are feeling. It gives them as chance to say, this happened to me and my family. It gave them a chance to talk about their baby and let their baby's name be heard. It also allowed you to see their face and to associate that face with the story.
Second, I wanted to raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. Until something like this happens to you or a close family member or friend, you really have no idea how often it happens. Did you know that more babies are stillborn than die of SIDS? Read this article from the NY Times. How often do you hear about SIDS.....you are constantly told to put your baby on their back to sleep, don't smoke, don't put any blankets, pillows or stuffed animals in the crib. All of these reduce the risk of SIDS. And you know what, I'm so glad that doctors and nurses are sharing this information. It has greatly reduced the number of infant deaths related to SIDS. But, how often does your OB talk to you about stillbirth? It was never brought up at any of my appointments. I was never told that "26,000 pregnancies end in stillbirth in the United States each year. You are told that once you pass the 12 week mark the risk of miscarriage greatly drops. And it does, it's true. But it doesn't mean that you are in the clear. It doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect and you are going to go home from the hospital with a baby. Sometimes you go home with a box instead of a baby. And we have the right to know the reality of the situation. Sure, most likely it isn't going to happen to YOU. But, it happened to me and it COULD happen to you.
Lastly, I wanted a chance to grieve. It seemed like everything happened so fast. Violet died, we had her memorial service. We did all the testing and got the results back. And all of the sudden I was pregnant again. And then we found out it was twins. Our emotions were all over the place. We were grieving the loss of our child, but also happy and scared about this new pregnancy. I was at doctor's appointments all the time.....which really was a blessing. It was comforting to see the girls on the ultrasound and to hear their little hearts beating away! And then when we reached year #1 since Violet died, we were so exhausted. It was so hard taking care of infant twins. But this year, I finally got a chance to really comprehend everything we had been through. I needed time to process and reflect. And I think that doing this project really helped me focus through that. I loved connecting with all of the women. I loved hearing about their situations and sharing Violet with them. Often times there were tears shed as we talked. It was good. It was therapeutic.
So, thank you to all who took the time to read the stories and look at the photos. And a BIG TIME thank you to all who shared. You are truly an inspiration. Your love for your children is so evident. Your strength and courage leaves me in awe. I'm glad to know each and every one of you. While I hate that we are connected.....I wish that we all had our babies here with us, I'm glad to be in such good company.
And one more time, here are the faces that were featured last month....remember them and remember their story. Remember.....
This project had several of goals. The first was to put a face with the story. So often we hear about something that happened to your friend's husband's cousin. Often times you feel bad for the person, but it's easy to be detached from it because you don't know the people behind the story. You don't see their faces. You don't see their tears. You don't hear their voices quiver when they talk. I think that by sharing the stories written by the mothers themselves it gives you more insight into what they are feeling. It gives them as chance to say, this happened to me and my family. It gave them a chance to talk about their baby and let their baby's name be heard. It also allowed you to see their face and to associate that face with the story.
Second, I wanted to raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. Until something like this happens to you or a close family member or friend, you really have no idea how often it happens. Did you know that more babies are stillborn than die of SIDS? Read this article from the NY Times. How often do you hear about SIDS.....you are constantly told to put your baby on their back to sleep, don't smoke, don't put any blankets, pillows or stuffed animals in the crib. All of these reduce the risk of SIDS. And you know what, I'm so glad that doctors and nurses are sharing this information. It has greatly reduced the number of infant deaths related to SIDS. But, how often does your OB talk to you about stillbirth? It was never brought up at any of my appointments. I was never told that "26,000 pregnancies end in stillbirth in the United States each year. You are told that once you pass the 12 week mark the risk of miscarriage greatly drops. And it does, it's true. But it doesn't mean that you are in the clear. It doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect and you are going to go home from the hospital with a baby. Sometimes you go home with a box instead of a baby. And we have the right to know the reality of the situation. Sure, most likely it isn't going to happen to YOU. But, it happened to me and it COULD happen to you.
Lastly, I wanted a chance to grieve. It seemed like everything happened so fast. Violet died, we had her memorial service. We did all the testing and got the results back. And all of the sudden I was pregnant again. And then we found out it was twins. Our emotions were all over the place. We were grieving the loss of our child, but also happy and scared about this new pregnancy. I was at doctor's appointments all the time.....which really was a blessing. It was comforting to see the girls on the ultrasound and to hear their little hearts beating away! And then when we reached year #1 since Violet died, we were so exhausted. It was so hard taking care of infant twins. But this year, I finally got a chance to really comprehend everything we had been through. I needed time to process and reflect. And I think that doing this project really helped me focus through that. I loved connecting with all of the women. I loved hearing about their situations and sharing Violet with them. Often times there were tears shed as we talked. It was good. It was therapeutic.
So, thank you to all who took the time to read the stories and look at the photos. And a BIG TIME thank you to all who shared. You are truly an inspiration. Your love for your children is so evident. Your strength and courage leaves me in awe. I'm glad to know each and every one of you. While I hate that we are connected.....I wish that we all had our babies here with us, I'm glad to be in such good company.
And one more time, here are the faces that were featured last month....remember them and remember their story. Remember.....
Jessica
Eryn and Stephanie
Cindy
Katie and Lonni
Melissa
Shannon
Nancy and Sabrina
Shannon
and Kristin.
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