Empty Hands and Empty Hearts
October 12, 2011
We decided that 5pm was the time we would leave. I needed a set time, otherwise I would have stayed there forever. At least that was the way it seemed that morning. Family came to visit us again and to see Violet. Georgia came with Grandma and enjoyed each other as much as we could.
After showering and packing up, the 5 o'clock hour rolled by faster than I expected. But at the same time, I was ready to go home. I wanted to be in my own house, to hang out with Georgia and to be "normal" or whatever. Also, it was evident that Violet's body was not holding up well and that it was time to let her go.
As the hour approached, we asked our visitors to say their goodbyes to Violet so that we could have some alone time with her again, for the last time. Nolan and I took turns telling her everything that we held in our hearts. We rocked her, I sang to her and we kept telling her that we loved her and asking her and God why she had to die.
We paged the nurse to come and we waited. And waited some more. We were ready but obviously the nursing staff wasn't at a point where they could come into our room yet. After about 15 minutes we paged again because as much as it hurt to leave her, we had to get out of there. Soon someone came in and rolled Violet out of the room. That was the last time that we saw her. We stood there and hugged and cried and prepared ourselves for walking out of the hospital with empty hands and empty hearts.
When we were in the waiting area outside the maternity ward, a group of people had gathered to celebrate the birth of a baby. There were balloons and laughter and happy people. I will never forget the looks on their faces as Nolan and I walked out with no baby and tears streaming down our faces. All we had were the few things the hospital had given us (I'll talk about how great the hospital was in another post), but no baby. I can remember one gentleman looking at me with sorrow in his eyes. He knew that something tragic happened to our baby.
We made our way out and headed home to plan Violet's memorial service. When we arrived at home flowers were waiting for us on the front porch. That would be something very common for the next several days...flowers, cards, emails, phone calls, and text messages all from loving and caring friends and family. It was nice to know that so many people were thinking about us and praying for us as we were walking through these dark days.
We decided that 5pm was the time we would leave. I needed a set time, otherwise I would have stayed there forever. At least that was the way it seemed that morning. Family came to visit us again and to see Violet. Georgia came with Grandma and enjoyed each other as much as we could.
After showering and packing up, the 5 o'clock hour rolled by faster than I expected. But at the same time, I was ready to go home. I wanted to be in my own house, to hang out with Georgia and to be "normal" or whatever. Also, it was evident that Violet's body was not holding up well and that it was time to let her go.
As the hour approached, we asked our visitors to say their goodbyes to Violet so that we could have some alone time with her again, for the last time. Nolan and I took turns telling her everything that we held in our hearts. We rocked her, I sang to her and we kept telling her that we loved her and asking her and God why she had to die.
We paged the nurse to come and we waited. And waited some more. We were ready but obviously the nursing staff wasn't at a point where they could come into our room yet. After about 15 minutes we paged again because as much as it hurt to leave her, we had to get out of there. Soon someone came in and rolled Violet out of the room. That was the last time that we saw her. We stood there and hugged and cried and prepared ourselves for walking out of the hospital with empty hands and empty hearts.
When we were in the waiting area outside the maternity ward, a group of people had gathered to celebrate the birth of a baby. There were balloons and laughter and happy people. I will never forget the looks on their faces as Nolan and I walked out with no baby and tears streaming down our faces. All we had were the few things the hospital had given us (I'll talk about how great the hospital was in another post), but no baby. I can remember one gentleman looking at me with sorrow in his eyes. He knew that something tragic happened to our baby.
We made our way out and headed home to plan Violet's memorial service. When we arrived at home flowers were waiting for us on the front porch. That would be something very common for the next several days...flowers, cards, emails, phone calls, and text messages all from loving and caring friends and family. It was nice to know that so many people were thinking about us and praying for us as we were walking through these dark days.
Love to you and this amazing journey you continue on. Thank you for sharing your story...
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